Who is Fanny Clownpockets? Where is the double-ended dildo? Is it cruel to say cut? These were just a few of the questions we asked on our shoot for Private Dick Movie. It was all part of the NHS Condom Essential Wear campaign – a microsite that lets users customise their own 70s porn film and send it to their mates. Each film sends out a message to have fun, experiment and stay safe. Which is refreshing coming from the NHS (and a real bugger to get through).

We shot all the films in a derelict office, which may or may not have been haunted upstairs, and as if we didn’t have enough to do, our Sexual Health Summer Campaign was shot at the same time.

A special mention has to go to poor old Gavin Fox, the designer on the project who had to trawl through hours of vintage German porn for ‘research purposes’. He still feels dirty and used.

It’s a website! Hurrah! We made it look retro AND modern. A world first I’m sure.

The quick and simple customisation process.

Et voilà, you’re a porn star. Won’t mum be pleased?

Do it yourself PrivateDickMovie.co.uk

Oh, and we found the dildo.